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Cute Hoor Fast Buck...

Cute hoor/fast buck gene to be removed from national herd... The Greens have done a complete about-turn and embraced genetic modification on a grand scale THE GREENS have embraced the concept of genetic modification, and with remarkable results. That’s a turn-up for the books. The party doesn’t do things by half measure. Their conversion isn’t down to some namby-pamby tinkering on the fringes of the allotment, or attempts to grow a pig from quorn. John Gormley, Eamon Ryan and their ecologically motivated Frankensteins have only gone and engineered a change to the basic genetic make-up of the Irish people. Using a secret procedure (which has been fully approved by their frightened partners in Government because they fear an agonising political death if they don’t), the party has succeeded in removing the cute hoor/fast buck gene from the national herd. “We’ve actually taken away that whole speculative impulse,” Eamon Ryan announced at a press conference yesterday. Thanks to new legislat

Garda & Army Ready For Riot Control...

Will your lifestyle survive?... THE GARDA and the Army have been refreshing their riot-control skills in recent times. Clearly, the fear is that the Irish might emulate their French and Greek counterparts and stage a peasants’ revolt. But even Opposition party members are taken aback by the “rather eerie silence” around the constituencies in the wake of the emergency Budget ... “The only flashpoint was the Pat Kenny show with Brian Lenihan,” says one Fine Gaeler. That programme featured a 51-year-old teacher on €63,000 who stood to lose €800-€900 a month. Although she might be considered better off than most, she claimed to understand “how people go home and hang themselves”. The main sense was an absence of hope. Some households stood to lose a third of their income, yet there was no sign of economic stimulus. And what was it all for? As Caroline, a mother of four, told The Irish Times : “It’s to pay for the smart gambles hatched in the Galway tent. And the only hope they can offer u